Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
