so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
