It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
A+ Viking dick
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
