sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
