The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I need to calm my uterus...
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
