just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
