is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
