I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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