It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
