We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
