It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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