He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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