Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
