East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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