its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
