I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
