how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
