I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
