He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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