in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We talked him into tasing himself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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