I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
