apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Randomize