Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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