I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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