all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
