He uses pillows to masturbate.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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