Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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