I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
