ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
