yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize