Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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