Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
