entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
