i barfeds in our rink
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize