I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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