What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
