I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize