i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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