youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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