Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
