I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
