Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
