somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Randomize
