she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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