Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
