drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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