my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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