apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
