he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
