Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Also, beer. Big fan.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize