I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
