And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
