I heard we made out
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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