Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
