hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
