I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
