Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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