bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
