Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
