I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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