i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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