i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
