I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i love accidental penises.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
