what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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