dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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